"it's time"-how many times have you seen that on tv? woman doing fine, hold stomach, screams-flash forward, it's 10 minutes later and she's given birth in the car, baby miraculously fine-yea, ok...
so, it's around 11 am on 3/19/10: after being in the hospital for about 22 hours, doc comes in after nurse told him it's time for me to push. if you have a weak stomach, stop reading now.
now, i don't care how much reading you do-no one really knows how to push. yes, they say, it's like trying to push a poop out and by the way, you may...really? as honest am i am, i am often that modest. the prospect of pooping in front of someone is beyond mortifying. i remember trying to push and being concerned about making any grimaces on my face or awful noises in front of richie. he is my husband and he loves me and will hold my hand in childbirth when he really wants to puke and faint, but i still don't want to look hideous. so, in relative silence for the next two hours, i just closed my eyes and pushed every time i thought i was having a contraction-not so much because of him but the sense of isolation when you are actually giving birth is odd-it is solely you and that baby in that room. now, the first push changed the course of the entire day.
much to my dismay, the doctor that was on call that day was the one of 5 i did not like during my pregnancy. he was condescending, lacked in social skills and generally dismissive. however, he saved my son's life essentially, and i cannot be upset with him. as i was saying, the first push. apparently my son's life was in far more danger than any of us knew. he was essentially swimming in meconium-a green substance that is basically baby poo and can be deadly or at least life altering if they ingest this. most babies can and be fine, so i was not overly concerned. so, apparently the doc saw green-a lot of green-and told the nurse to get the NICU staff in a very authoritative tone-he looked at me and then said "just as a precaution." well, being the astute psychotherapist i am, i could tell by his tone of voice that he was concerned although trying to hide this to "keep the mother calm"-i found out later that unbeknownst to me, the NICU staff including the chief of staff was outside my room for 2 hours anxiously awaiting the arrival of the little guy
push after push, two hours go by. and yes, it still hurts even with an epidural. nurses and richie kept assuring me i was doing great and progress was being made. i told them they were lying and that he's not coming. i could tell everyone was getting a little anxious, and so i kicked into high gear. i was in and out of sleep and consciousness with my blood pressure still extremely low, but each time i came to from those damn alarms, i announced i was gonna push and pushed with all my might, nurse held my leg and off we went-once richie had to hold my leg, and i could see the terrified look on his face. it makes me laugh now, but i really did try to keep him above the belly button at all costs.
anywho, a little over two hours in, the doc puts on his scrubs and a team of about 10 people come running in. i felt like i had rosemary's baby or something-why on earth are all these people waiting for my kid? doc tells me he's gonna have to give me an epesiotomy-i think "oh no you're not" and i make the final push causing like 30 stitches or something-probably should have opted for the cut, but whatever-it's 1:11pm and baby is out...
doc said he's never seen so much meconium, kid is whisked over to the chief of staff and two girls-i could see fear on the blonde's face-i look for richie and he's lying saying everything is fine-the doc is working on me, there's blood everywhere and i'm totally out of it. the kid's not breathing-they put full oxygen on him and he's still getting less than 80% oxygen. wtf is happening. why won't they tell me? i'm now crying-mom's calling-what do i tell her? i tell her i haven't seen him yet. doc is asking for apgar scores, NICU guy won't answer. doc telling him to just let me see him, no answer. kid in big plastic bin/tube/thing goes by, stops several feet away from my bed for about 3 seconds and wheeled away, richie's gone with them.
stiches, more contractions, more stitches, more blood. awhile goes by, richie comes back and almost pukes when he sees me as the doc holds the placenta over me and says he'll send it for testing. i have bloody rags and even paper towels sitting on my stomach as the doc is still doing stuff and i can see in richie's face he is about to yell "get that nasty s$%# off my wife"-i could care less about the rags, what the hell is happening to my kid? he tells me the kid is ok and that we can go see him soon. parents come in. nicu guy comes in and says i have one lucky boy. that he has meconium aspiration but the chest x-rays show not much in his lungs and he will be ok. was there really a question that he wasn't going to be ok? ok, now what?....
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