getting back to "normal"

up again-dang caffeine-so i'm blogging in my head-might as well type it out

so, i was talking to my bff tonight, and she was saying how mellow i was-that is for certain not a word someone could have used to describe me in the past year, and it was music to my ears. i told her "i finally feel normal again" and as the words came out, i realized i had said them before...several times. it's like i forgot what normal was and each time i think i have it, i find out later that wasn't it, this is.

kinda like the first time you think you love someone. think back-waaaay back. i was probably around 13. i'll never forget the first time i said it, poor schmuck didn't know what the hell to say. i later realized it was far from love and i just liked talking on the phone with him. i've always had more guy friends-well till marriage-they're just easier and we all know it-not to mention cuter. anywho, i said it. then i said it again a year later knowing for sure i meant it, and i did. then later you think "oh this is what love is" but then it gets better and you think "oh this is what it is" and so on until after a few heartbreaks you realize what it actually is/was.

i feel the same way since having a baby. i was a hot mess after liam was born between him being in the NICU, me not really seeing him, financial stress, feeling like i was neglecting hubby, feeling like a fatso with no real reason anymore etc. even working as a counselor, i had NO idea how crazy hormones made you-really crazy. so each time i wouldn't cry at the bills or a fight or a bad call, i'd think "i'm normal again"-but then i'd feel better the next week and think "oh that's right, this is normal" etc. etc. maybe i'm not totally there, but i've always taken great pride in being a well balanced person and am more than happy to be on the path of normalcy again. "this too shall pass, what's meant to be will be, one day at a time, will i remember this in 5 years" etc. etc. were prior mantras-perhaps it's time for them to be visited again